Timmy Millson

                                               Reflections on 1 John 2:16

“For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh

and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life,

                        is not from the Father, but is from the world.”

1 John 2:16

Jack swiveled in his chair and stared out the window. A few minutes later, he said, “I can’t believe you’re doing this.”

Scott didn’t respond. He sat in the leather sofa, same seat he always sat in when he came to talk to Jack. He knew he’d said enough for now.

“You don’t believe it, do you?” Jack asked, turning back. “I mean, come on, how long have we known each other, huh?”

Again, Scott didn’t respond. He didn’t have to. Of all people, Jack knew how these stories played out. He was a Christian counselor, full-time on the church staff. It was his job to have hard conversations with people – especially men, since he mostly counseled men. But never had the tables turned.

“Look, I know you’re just doing your job and I appreciate that,” Jack said, his voice stronger, his defense mounting. “But let it go. It’s not true.”

“I can’t do that,” Scott whispered. “You know I can’t.”

“Ok, so what’s next? What exactly are you going to do?”

Scott leaned forward, surprised. He’d been the senior pastor of the church for eight years. Every time these kinds of stories came up, he and Jack met together. They had to, as a matter of law. And it was Jack – Jack, the trained counselor -- who gave the clear direction on what to do and how to do it.

“You know what I have to do,” Scott responded gently.

At first, Jack didn’t understand. He’d felt strong, confident up to that point. He had no reason to believe any accusation against him would stand. But then, it dawned on him. He put himself in Scott’s shoes and the thought entered his head like a right hook to the side of his face.

“No,” he growled.

“I have to.” Scott said.

“I won’t let you.”

“You don’t want to go down that path, Jack.”

Jack buried his head in his hands with a deep, exhausted sigh. He shook his head in disbelief, like he couldn’t imagine why he didn’t foresee this moment coming and why he hadn’t done something about it. He should have known. He should have been prepared. How could he have been so stupid?

“Jack,” Scott said once, then twice. Finally, he raised his head and looked straight into the pastor’s face and heard the words he never thought he’d hear.

“Jack, I need your computer.”

*       *       *

“For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh

and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life,

                        is not from the Father, but is from the world.”

1 John 2:16

When the knock came on his door an hour earlier, Jack was beyond excited. He’d never admit it to anyone, but he idolized Scott. He was a great senior pastor, a giant of a man who’d received more accolades among worldwide Christian leaders than anyone he’d ever known. It actually amazed him that they were good friends.

Then Scott called this morning. He’d said, “Jack, I need some time today.” Just the thought that Scott needed time with him – time to get godly counsel and wisdom – made his heart soar with joy. They agreed to meet at 3:00.

But from the moment Jack saw him, he knew something was terribly wrong.

“Jack, I’ve got to ask you some hard questions,” Scott began after they’d spent some time in prayer. 

“Absolutely,” Jack said. And then the questions came fast and hard.

What comes to your mind when you think of Patty Zorn?

Have you ever spoken inappropriately to her?

Have you ever hugged her at church in an inappropriate way?

Are you aware of how you speak about her to other men in the church?

Are you aware that your jokes recently have been offensive to some?

Are you addicted to porn?

“Ok, that’s enough!” Jack roared, holding both his hands in the air. “Where’s this coming from? The answer is ‘No! No! No! No! No! No!’”

“Then talk to me about Timmy Millson,” Scott demanded.

And that’s when Jack swiveled in his chair and stared out the window. Two weeks ago, Timmy Millson thought his appointment was at 2:00 not 2:30. He’d come early, walked into the office, like usual, but this time the door was open. Jack was at his computer, his back to Timmy. He didn’t hear him come in.

Nor did he think Timmy Millson saw what he was doing.

*       *       *

“Do not love the world nor the things in the world.

If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh

and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life,

                        is not from the Father, but is from the world.”

1 John 2:15-16

Scott stood up, went to Jack’s desk, and unhooked his laptop. He’d intended to secure it and walk quietly out of the office but instead, he surprised himself. He turned to Jack and asked, “Would you take a walk with me?”

There was a city park three blocks from the church which was perfect for a lazy, quiet stroll or for children to romp through the playground or just to sit on one of the benches in front of the massive stone water fountain.

“About three years ago,” Jack confessed as they stepped outside, “it escalated. I don’t know why. One day I had control of it. The next day I didn’t. But even then, it didn’t trouble me. I thought I was still in control. I knew what to do.”

“So why didn’t you do it?” Scott asked.

“I guess because I was scared. I knew if I told anyone, if it ever got out, my career would be over. I’d never get a job anywhere ever again. So I kept it to myself. I took every precaution. I did everything I could to do to keep myself from ever being found out. I actually thought I could play this game and win.”

“You dropped too many hints,” Scott replied. “Some of the guys picked up on it. Patty Zorn came to me personally, in tears. She didn’t want to tell me but you frightened her. And then came the Timmy Millson story.”

They walked on together in silence. They got to the fountain, sat on one of the benches, and watched the water shooting high into the air and come splashing down with the thunderous sound of a loud rain storm.

“It’s just so crazy,” Jack reflected. “I did everything not to be found out. And, at the same time, I did everything to be found out. What is up with that?”

“May I say a few things?” Scott interrupted and Jack reluctantly nodded.

“I want to walk this journey with you. It’s not going to be easy but we’re going to do it the right way, by the book, openly before the Lord, your wife, and your church family. That’s where we start. Does that work for you?”

Again, Jack nodded.

“Well, I want you to hear this, I mean, really hear this. I know you know God loves you. You’re a Christian man. You’ve ministered the gospel for years. You teach the forgiveness of sin that’s found in Jesus Christ. But I want you to hear this about you, Jack.” And with that, the statements came slowly.

The love of the Father is in you

You have allowed the lust of your flesh to reign in your body

You have allowed the lust of your eyes to reign in your heart

You have allowed pride and rebellion to seep into your soul

But the love of the Father is in you

And the love of the Father is greater than the lust in you

Do you believe that?

Tears had already welled up in Jack’s eyes. He was staring at the water. Everything inside him wanted to nod. Say yes. Keep up appearances. But he couldn’t. Not now. The truth was out. His heart was exposed.

“No, I don’t,” he said, shaking his head firmly. “How can His love be in me after what I’ve done? It’s impossible. I can’t imagine it. I can’t imagine my wife loving me now. Or my kids. Or my friends. Or my church family. Or you.”

And with that, the tears fell down his cheek, the sobs began, barely heard over the sound of the crashing water in front of them.

I Got It, Dad. I Got It

                                                                                           Reflections on 1 John 2:15

“Do not love the world nor the things in the world.

If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

1 John 2:15

He wakes up at 4:00 in the morning and looks at his bedside clock. The ache in his stomach swells and he knows he’ll never get back to sleep. It happens nearly every day now. He doesn’t want to go to work.

He slips out of bed and quietly goes down to the kitchen to make some coffee, not wanting to wake the family. He sits at the breakfast table and stares out the window. His mind is already entangled by recent events at the office. For the last six months, his life has been hell. They’re after him and he knows it.

 

He feels so trapped.

He can’t leave. They need the money. They’ve got too much debt as it is, plus his job carries health benefits, not his wife’s. Even as he puts out his resume now, it’ll take weeks – months – to get a new job. With one in college and another two years away, they’d fall too far back to ever catch up.

But he can’t stay.

Six months ago, his boss took him aside and told him there’d be changes. Turns out, nearly half his department had been in secret meetings to reorg the company and he knew nothing about it. The message was loud and clear: “I don’t care if you’ve been here ten years, you’re either with us or you’re gone.” After hearing the plan, he knew exactly why his boss had kept him in the dark.

“You know I can’t do this,” he pleaded back then. “It’ll tear the company apart. People who work here are going to get hurt. We’ll lose our client base.”

“Well then, sounds like you’ve got a choice to make,” his boss threatened.

Weeks passed, months passed, and he’s barely hanging on by a thread. Even though a few changes were already being implemented, he knew the secret meetings were still going on behind his back. He knew they’d already chosen his replacement. It was a matter of time before the company broke into pieces.

“What are you going to do?” a co-worker asked last week.

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen anything like it,” he said. “Why would anybody destroy the very thing they’ve spent a lifetime building? It doesn’t make any sense to me. I’m a nervous wreck. I’ve just started getting my resume out.”

“Me too. There’s a bunch of us.”

 He remembers the conversation as he makes his morning commute. He thinks about all those who’ve loved working at the company, believed they were making a difference in people’s lives, and would soon be tossed on the street.

And then, almost out of nowhere, he thinks about his dad. He’d do anything right now just to hear his voice, tell him the story, and get his counsel.

Dad, his heart wanted to cry out, I don’t know what to do.

*       *       *

“Do not love the world nor the things in the world.

If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

1 John 2:15

After work, as he was driving home, just after he safely merged onto the highway, he called his father.

“Dad, this is Mark. How are you doing, Dad?”

“Who’s this?”

“It’s Mark, Dad. How’s the day going for you?”

“It’s Mark, honey,” he heard his mom say in the background. “It’s Mark.”

“Oh Mark, I’m doing fine today, doing fine. How’s your family, Mark? Is everybody well?” he said, his voice the same as Mark had always known.

Everything inside him wanted to lay out the story, piece by piece, play by play, with every last detail. He knew his Dad would see something he couldn’t see. He’d say something, that perfect something, that would calm his heart and ease his mind. But he couldn’t. For the last five years he couldn’t.

Not since he was diagnosed with an early onset of dementia. The last year or so, it’s gotten worse. Sometimes his dad remembers him. Sometimes he doesn’t. But always, just the sound of his Dad’s voice gave him courage.

“I love you, Dad, you know that, right?”

“Me too, son. Me too.”

*       *       *

“Do not love the world nor the things in the world.

If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

1 John 2:15

He clicked off his phone and, for whatever reason, his mind drifted back ten years – ten years almost to the month. He’d just received the offer to come join the company and he leapt at it. He was ready to quit his old job immediately and called his dad to tell him the good news. He couldn’t wait to tell him.

“You’re not going to believe it!” Mark said as he told him about the job – a real promotion with a senior level title – and a huge jump in salary and benefits.

“So Mark, you’ll take some time and pray about this with Laurie, right?” his Dad said half way through the conversation.

“What’s there to pray about? This is everything we’ve ever hoped for, Dad.”

“Not so fast son,” said his father. “You know the hard lessons I’ve learned in life. We never say ‘yes’ until we take it to the Lord. He has the final say, not us. And you know His kingdom doesn’t revolve around titles and positions, money and big benefit packages. The world lusts for that – we don’t.”

“Yeah, Dad, I know. Laurie and I will pray about it first -- promise.”

And he did, to please his Dad. But there was no way he was going to turn this offer down. He left his other company, took the job, and the rest was history. But then, three months later, it was like he hit a wall. It was the first time he saw something in his boss that just wasn’t right.

“I can’t put my finger on it, Dad,” Mark told his father. “He uses people to get what he wants. And then he tells us one story while others – the people getting fired -- are telling us the exact opposite. It’s not adding up.”

“So what are you going to do, Mark?” his Dad asked.

“I’m going to soldier on, Dad. I’m loyal to a fault, you know that.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“I’m not sure I understand,” Mark replied.

“I’m asking -- what are you going to do when it happens to you?”

*       *       *

“Do not love the world nor the things in the world.

If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

1 John 2:15

Mark pulled in the driveway and turned off the engine. To this day, he remembers what his father said. It was the perfect advice back then and it was the perfect advice now.

“Mark, we’re not people who belong to this world. I think you know what I’m talking about when I say that.  I know you’ve got an important job. I know you’re a talented young man. I know the pay is beyond what you and Laurie ever imagined in life. But, I’m going to ask you to be careful, son.

“If this pattern continues with your boss, then what’s happening around you will happen to you one day. You’re going to be faced with a choice, hard choice, that will bring you back to the only question that matters in life. Does your heart belong to the world, son? Or does it belong to your Father in heaven? Which is it? And it can’t be both.

“You may think you know the answer right now. But it’s a lot harder when the pressure’s on – when people are talking behind your back – when you’re not sure where the next pay check is coming from. You know I know what I’m talking about here. It’s not easy son. It’s not easy. So I’m asking you to be careful, Mark. Be real careful.”

“I got it, Dad. I got it,” Mark said out loud, though no one was there to hear him. For the first time in six months, with tears streaming down his face, Mark knew exactly what his Dad – his heavenly Dad -- wanted him to do.